Letting Go

While cleaning up today, I stubbed my toe against this very full suitcase.

And it hurt. 

The suitcase has been sitting in the bedroom since we moved back to Cali in February. I've been ignoring it but today I was painfully reminded of its existence. I also knew today I needed to make a decision about it. The suitcase contains reminders of a lower weight, tinier waist and smaller thighs: my smaller and cuter clothing that one day I aspired to fit into again. 

Here's a snapshot of what the suitcase contains.

 

Some pants

Some tops

Some skirts

Some dresses

I clean out my closet yearly but these are the items that always survive the culling. I love them and I want to be able to wear them again even if it's been at least five years since I've worn any of it. The problem is that I no longer have the space to store them.

I have tossed around the idea of donating or selling them but today I realized why I haven't been able to get rid of them. In my mind, it would be an acknowledgement of my weight loss failure. Thinking clearly, I know that is not the case. While I was on a roll with clarity of thought, I also realized that perhaps holding onto to the past could be preventing me from moving forward. 

It's just clothing but I have a lot of emotion wrapped up in that suitcase. I know the exact weight I was when I fit into each piece of clothing. That's probably not healthy. I know I will reach my goal weight but my body will likely be different than it was 10 years ago. I need to embrace that fact and be proud of what I accomplish instead of beating myself up for not being able to fit into some old dress. No more focusing on the past. I'm going to enjoy the journey of getting healthier and when I'm ready, I'll have a great time shopping for new clothes!

I'll be donating the contents of the suitcase to my church's community service department. I'm excited to know that the clothes will be put to good use. 

Make this week a great one.

- Kareen, RD